Blessed

For the last two weeks, I have battling very serious doubt. It was rooted in several kinds of doubt, from the 'does God even exist' type, to 'how do I know that Mormons/JWs aren't right' type, to 'does this count if I'm not of Jewish heritage?' I was preparing to endure for as long as it would take.

Yesterday I was at a College and Career worship cafe, and I don't even know where it came from. I was just singing - and I felt healed. I felt assured. I'd been praying, like that guy from Mark ('Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief!' guy), and I was so scared. Last night, it went [mostly] away. I am so blessed! God is faithful to protect us.

How I long to have child-like faith.

The service last night was great - talking about bringing God glory and letting Him be our shield. Our C&C intern was reminding us that God is like a shield - and the shield doesn't prevent us from feeling the impact of the attack. Because of God's shield like protection, we remain safe. It also didn't really occur to me that He never gives us more than we can handle! I know that doubt will probably return again on this path, but God will show me how to and help me to overcome it!

It's so wonderful, I had been praying before last night's service that I would hear Him and know His love during this time, and He was so faithful to answer. I'm trying to seek Him with my whole heart - there's nothing I want more than to know Him. I want to bring Him glory; I want to see Him glorified. I want to worship my God, the GREAT GOD WHO SAVES, forever.

Lent has been plucking along. I have learned something about myself since Lent began - I have a serious problem with gluttony. I will overcome it through He who gives me Strength. So now that this has been revealed to me, I wonder what actions to take? I've been doing a study on self control through the Fruit of the Spirit study, and I am certain that my God is bigger than this problem! However, since realizing this, it's as if I've said "okay, my season of giving up everything detrimental is over" and I've been stumbling along through Lent. It feels like I'm only partially participating. How do I change this? I'll pray about it. I want to do this!

This morning at church, I was asking God about where I've got idols and what I need to be giving to Him. I've always been (and still am) very jealous of those people who say 'I really feel God put this on my heart' and seem to know Him more than I do. The only reason for this is me, I need to turn to Him further. I want to submerge myself into the word and into a stronger prayer life. This is the most important relationship I will ever have - and right now I'm not treating it like it is. So this morning I realized that I have made an idol out of marriage. So how does one treat their idols? I mean, how do you cast one out? Pray?

My God will come through – He is strong and mighty to save!!! I am so blessed, and I realized this today looking around a room of my [church] family. I am so joyful, and this in itself is a great blessing from the Great King.

I’m so excited: a friend and I are planning a sunrise service for two weeks from now, and it’s going to be so fun. Not only will I be with my [church] family, I will be worshipping the God I love while the sun comes up. I’m pretty sure this is mentioned in the Bible more than once, and I’ve always wanted to try it. I’m really looking forward to hearing from God that morning.

I need to make sure this isn’t about me – just blogging about it now is bringing forth a blunt realization that I am in some way making this about me, how I will feel while worshipping in front of the rising sun. I’ll pray about it.

Today, I want to watch Indescribable Presentation. I have seen it before and I LOVE it. I was so moved the first time I watched it, and my faith grew. This will probably be really healthy for me right now. Have any of you seen it?