Glee?

I'm just so opposed to how sexual Glee has become. It's my favourite tv show, but I just feel so uncomfortable with all of the sex appeal that they're only using to get ratings. I feel so awkward watching it, and I want to turn it off, but it's my favourite show...

Could it just be this episode, based on Britney Spears?

And even the whole gay thing. They're really playing it up, and I feel uncomfortable with that too.

This world is so blindly looking for purpose and worth, don't they see?

You were made to long for worth, and made to find and receive it from Christ.

Pathetic Failure?

I just feel like I've never done anything in my life. Nothing right, anyways. I've screwed up lots, and I've hurt a lot of people, but never have I ever gone through with something. I'm so lazy, and I'm not good enough for anything.

You know why I came to U of A? To go into Medicine. It was my dream for 7 years. And I just quit; I gave up.

And I'm falling back on counselling, which is something people always told me I'd be good at, and hey look, I don't even know if I can do that.

I feel so stupid right now.

And discouraged! Like, if this is supposed to be what I'm doing with my life, then why can't I get a VOLUNTEER position!?

That's who I am. The girl who gives up, I don't see anything through. I feel like, as the title says, a pathetic failure. Truthfully, I still want to be a doctor. I really, really do.

And I know, worldly ambitions don't matter, right? But Satan is so big on telling me that they do. He loves to point out that right now, according to the world, I'm worth nothing.

I'll really get down to it. Faith this year has been hard. I went through a lot, and the punches do keep coming.
And I know that I prayed before my interview for God's will not mine, and I'm trying SO hard to accept it.

Oh, boy, it was just 11:11 - I usually take that time to praise God. I must praise Him in these times. I must lift Him up!

So Thankful

I've been really blessed over the past few months by my C&C family at McKernan Baptist Church! I just got back from a games' night/worship/campfire with those guys, and I just feel so joyful! I'm realizing more and more how important community is. I really feel like we can lift each other up, and bring each other closer to Jesus. So many people from my extended family have blessed me by sharing their stories, wisdom and advice with me. I'm so thankful! I don't have anything else worthwhile to share right now... Classes are going well, I'm getting pretty involved everywhere and my small group has started off! I'm feeling pretty joyful tonight! Yay! Life! Oh, Happiness!

Cause and Effect

The people around me have too much influence on me.

I can think of so many ways where this is true. I have such a difficult time being true to who I know I am when I'm around my vibrantly nonChristian friends. I really struggle to uphold my beliefs. But what I want to talk about is how much I let people around me influence my emotions.

I should probably say now that I am an extremely emotional person, and my emotions have so much to do with everything about me. I know that makes no sense, but tonight, a girl I'd just met was really rude to me, and it just made me so sad and self conscious all night.

And here I am, trying to tell a friend that "meeting people's expectations isn't what really matters." When do I live THAT out? Never. I'm always trying to please everyone around me, and make them think I'm great.

What's most important?

Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10)

Mark 12:28-31 says:

²⁸One of the teachers of the law came and heard them debating. Noticing that Jesus had given them a good answer, he asked him, "Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

²⁹"The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. ³⁰Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' ³¹The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these."

So, what really matters? What people think of me? No. Their reactions to me should NOT effect who I am this deeply. I must let go of this.

PS - Healing prayer on Thursday! YAY!

How Come?

Sometimes, I'm just so fake.

I long, so badly, to be one of those people who truly lives for God. And I do, maybe 60% of the time. That number is getting bigger and bigger, but there is still so much of me that refuses to part with the world. I was watching some SkitGuys YouTube videos last night, and I came across this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AhfUzodLRvk

It really spoke to me. I'd watched this movie a few months ago, and the impact was much bigger this time. How many times do I put my hands in front of God's tools? How many times do I say "can't we deal with what I want to deal with!?" How come it's so easy to listen to the voices of the world, Satan's very own voice, telling me that Creation doesn't make sense, or that I'm better than another person? How come I can let fear consume me?

I know LOVE conquers, and I know that GOD IS LOVE. But how come I can forget?

How come I don't rely on this FACT every day? In every minute?

A few weeks ago, I sent a friend a Facebook message saying that without God, I don't think I could get through the day. How come, then, I can go through the whole day without praying, without relying on His strength, His Spirit? How come I can ignore His voice, if His Sheep know His voice? How come I can make my decisions according to what others would think of them?

How come?

Compassion And Anger

Last night, I read Jonah 4. I was really taken aback by what I found there, and I'd love to get other people's thoughts on it.

I just don't understand why Jonah is angry with God's compassion. I was praying through it last night, and I although I can't relate now, I know it's possible if I don't continue letting Jesus' love grow in me. What I understand the least is that Jonah was more than willing to take God's second chance for himself, but was angry that God gave Nineveh a second chance.

But, something equally enthralling? That even though God clearly disagrees with Jonah's anger, in verse six, "the LORD God provided a vine and made it grow up over Jonah to give shade for his head to ease his discomfort, and Jonah was very happy about the vine."

So cool.

God also kills the vine the next day. Does it mean that God's compassion towards our sinfulness can run out?

What would have happened if Jonah had come around, even after God killed the vine?

This passage was just kinda crazy to me...

What are your thoughts? what does this mean to you, other than to not decide who God's compassion should belong to?