Everything is Never As it Seems

I feel better.

Healing prayer was good. God battled for me, and I took large steps. It was really freeing, again, and could only have come at the most God-approved time. Initially, I had been upset that it had been postponed for so long, but now it makes sense. He knows what He's doing.

I have chosen a life verse. I was really trying to pick between a few of them, so I'll share them all.

Hebrews 13:5 b: "Because God has said: 'never will I leave you; never will I forsake you'"

Sometimes, this is the most astoundingly relieving thing to hear. My God, creator of the universe will never leave me.

Psalm 32:7 : "You are my hiding place, You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance"

I need God to save me. I need Him to hold me closely. I need it. I need Him.

Psalm 43: I've copied this onto this blog before. This Psalm speaks my heart during times of pain and fear. God's got my back.

And finally, the life verse that I have chosen:

Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord Your God is with you, He is mighty to save, he will take great joy in you, He will quiet you with His Love, He will rejoice over you with loud singing"

That's what I want. That's what I need. Let me be to Him a sacrifice.

You Are My Joy - David Crowder Band

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And he set me on fire and I am burning alive.
With his breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in
Remain composed.
Love's taken over me
So I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And He set me on fire, and I am burning alive.
With His breath in my lungs I am coming undone.
And I cannot hold it in and remain composed.
Love's taken over me and so I propose the letting myself go.
I am letting myself go.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

I need to catch my breath, I need to.
I need to catch my breath, give me a moment now.

You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.
You are my joy.

I'm laughing so hard
And I'm laughing so hard
And I'm laughing so hard

Everything I Know

Right now, I'm feeling more nonchalant than I ever have in my entire life.

I am a sinner, and I don't care. The only thing that I care about is that I don't care.

I don't know who I am anymore. I am so confused. I can't wait for Healing Prayer tomorrow. I need help, a mentor. I need someone to pray now, when I can't. I'm trying, I really am, but it's so difficult. It's so messy.

Is the Holy Spirit praying through me now?

I want to believe that I will remain His child, even when everything I know comes crashing down.

Like now.

let Heaven roar

I really need a revival. During worship last night, God really lifted me up. I had a really crappy week last week. Family stuff, friends stuff, and midterms that all went terribly. I've had an inflamed mouth and have thus been high on t3s. It was just not good times. I had a mental breakdown last Monday night. And last night, God pointed out to me that I can't do anything without Him, and that I should quit trying.

It's so hard, though. It's so hard to focus on God on a secular campus. Doubt is penetrating my faith again. It's better this time, of course. I just need the Holy Spirit.

But I feel like I need a serious, deep, revolutionary revival. Right now, I feel like I'm just floating along, not quite recovered from last week, but not bad either.

This week, I'm going for my second round of healing prayer, and I'm really looking forward to what the Holy Spirit is going to do. I don't know what it is yet, but in the words of David Crowder, "my faith is dead, I need a resurrection somehow."

For My Love - Bethany Dillon

Walk towards me
I want to hear
The heavens singing over you
When you breathe
And look at me
I want to be captured by you

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

I want to hide
What’s deep in my eyes
I’m scared to be known by you
But when I turn my head
And see you there
I want to be pursued

Gaze into my eyes
And let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

A dream I won’t wake from
A story that will never end
The ground your feet walk on
Let me be there, let me be there

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Just ask me for my love

Gaze into my eyes
Let me know you’d fight
Thousands, for my love
Slip your hand in mine
Ask me to dance with you tonight
Ask me for my love