pick-me-up

you know those days when you're just feeling down?

I hate those days. they've been more frequent lately, with the whole breakup and all. you know the days. the days where you watch Crazy Stupid Love and lose it at your tv because if Steve Carrell can find love, why can't you? the days where everyone is busy, and you've had too much "alone time." the days where you feel bored and listless and just sort of low.

well! I have a list of my favourite ways to beat the low-days.

exercise. boost those endorphins! go for a ten minute walk, do some Zumba or hit a yoga class. no matter how you do it, make sure you do it for at least ten minutes. exercise is shown to decrease mental illness extraordinarily well, so it can also decrease the crappy-day-blues.

do something you love. which sounds obvious, but baking a cake, blogging or organizing your tool shed will distract you from whatever is making you feel low, give a sense of purpose and will also make you happy.

let someone know. telling someone that you're feeling like crap can be really therapeutic! it's like getting someone on your side, and it can also provide a fresh perspective.

take a shower. okay, this might be me-specific. when I'm sad/angry I really love to take a shower. it's my own personal space where I can think, cry and sing. plus, you come out smelling better than before.

remind yourself that it's not forever. you will eventually feel happy again. if it becomes something that lasts a significant amount of time, it might be worth discussing with your doctor or a psychologist. and in the meantime, there's always this song:

coffee date

let's have a coffee date. you + me. right now. 

why? because I have something personal on my heart, and it's easier to share something personal when you've got a hot chai tea latte or iced caramel macchiato in your hands.

do you ever just get the explicit feeling that you have no idea who you are? sure, if someone asks, you can give a list of the things you enjoy (starbucks, movies, psychology) and the things you do (work, watch movies, study), but can you really tell someone who you are? is that because you don't know who you are, or because it's far more complex than you can share in words?

I think it can be both. but even when I'm alone with my thoughts, I still don't really know who I am. I don't know what makes me special, or what my purpose in life is. I feel so much anxiety when someone says "tell me about yourself" that I often just ramble on and on and make no sense whatsoever.

I want to say yes to finding myself and yes to my adventure... but where do I even start? 

the friendzone

Today, I want to talk about an issue that annoys the crap out of me: the concept of the friendzone.

Imagine that Harry really likes Sally. Sally is not interested in Harry, but she appreciates having him as a friend. Harry becomes determined to win Sally's affections, and is the nicest, sweetest and kindest he can possibly be towards her. Still, Sally is uninterested in Harry in that way. He begins to smother her with affection, and Sally pushes Harry away. Harry's friends laugh at him and point out that Sally has totally "friend-zoned" him - Harry cannot believe that girls are only interested in bad boys and would never be interested in a nice guy like him! Sally is suuuch a bitch!

As if because Harry is a nice guy, Sally owes it to him to no longer consider him "just a friend." The friend zone is some made up construct for people to deal with the fact that someone else does not have feelings for them. Plain and simple - someone is not a jerk for not wanting to date you. We've turned Sally into a bad person because she doesn't want to date Harry even though he's a nice guy!? We're ignoring the actual reasons that Sally isn't interested in Harry - she's not attracted to him, doesn't feel anything beyond friendship for him + has feelings for whatshisname.

This concept is dangerous, and the media perpetuates it. We see so many countless movies where one person has major, unreciprocated feelings for someone else... and at the end, the other person magically has a change of heart.

Obviously, there are situations where a friendship can blossom into more. Where friends-feelings can change into more than friends-feelings.

But, bottom line: if you're being friends with someone simply because you hope to eventually date or have sex with them, you're the jerk.

workout must haves

I'm not going to look like a frump when I'm working out, and that's that. I'm much less likely to get moving if I feel less-than-pretty while doing it. Solution? Cute workout clothing.

cute waterbottle - comfy shorts - warm zip-up - cushioned shoes - pretty gym bag

Those are my must-haves. What are yours?

take a look

I saw this video yesterday, and it moved me so much - I even cried a little bit.

I know the concept of this video is a little strange... but the idea is liberating and sweet. These women faced their vagina fears and started the process of loving and accepting their whole bodies. These women were so brave to share such an intimate and deep moment with the internet.

Love it. Sex positivity makes me so smiley.

re:new

sometimes we need a fresh start.

sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to start over.

over the past few years, I have changed so much. I've lost my religion, finished my degree, become a feminist, gained and lost friends, relationships and jobs. My mental health has fluctuated just as much as my life has over the past few years. Sometimes, even in between a few days I can go from feeling 100% fantastic to 100% not-so-shiny.

Often, it makes me feel better to drop whatever I'm working on and to just have a fresh start - or at least to take a moment to lean back and look at what I'm doing. I need to see how things could be better, and it's pretty dang hard to do that during a panic attack or during high stress moments.Change is good. Change is challenging, but change is good. It's good for your mental health to rethink things sometimes. :)

As you can see, I've changed some things here on the blog. Definitely be expecting more changes - this mini facelift on the blog is just another example of taking a step back and seeing how things could be better.