Today, I want to talk about an issue that annoys the crap out of me: the concept of the friendzone.
Imagine that Harry really likes Sally. Sally is not interested in Harry, but she appreciates having him as a friend. Harry becomes determined to win Sally's affections, and is the nicest, sweetest and kindest he can possibly be towards her. Still, Sally is uninterested in Harry in that way. He begins to smother her with affection, and Sally pushes Harry away. Harry's friends laugh at him and point out that Sally has totally "friend-zoned" him - Harry cannot believe that girls are only interested in bad boys and would never be interested in a nice guy like him! Sally is suuuch a bitch!
As if because Harry is a nice guy, Sally owes it to him to no longer consider him "just a friend." The friend zone is some made up construct for people to deal with the fact that someone else does not have feelings for them. Plain and simple - someone is not a jerk for not wanting to date you. We've turned Sally into a bad person because she doesn't want to date Harry even though he's a nice guy!? We're ignoring the actual reasons that Sally isn't interested in Harry - she's not attracted to him, doesn't feel anything beyond friendship for him + has feelings for whatshisname.
This concept is dangerous, and the media perpetuates it. We see so many countless movies where one person has major, unreciprocated feelings for someone else... and at the end, the other person magically has a change of heart.
Obviously, there are situations where a friendship can blossom into more. Where friends-feelings can change into more than friends-feelings.
But, bottom line: if you're being friends with someone simply because you hope to eventually date or have sex with them, you're the jerk.
Imagine that Harry really likes Sally. Sally is not interested in Harry, but she appreciates having him as a friend. Harry becomes determined to win Sally's affections, and is the nicest, sweetest and kindest he can possibly be towards her. Still, Sally is uninterested in Harry in that way. He begins to smother her with affection, and Sally pushes Harry away. Harry's friends laugh at him and point out that Sally has totally "friend-zoned" him - Harry cannot believe that girls are only interested in bad boys and would never be interested in a nice guy like him! Sally is suuuch a bitch!
As if because Harry is a nice guy, Sally owes it to him to no longer consider him "just a friend." The friend zone is some made up construct for people to deal with the fact that someone else does not have feelings for them. Plain and simple - someone is not a jerk for not wanting to date you. We've turned Sally into a bad person because she doesn't want to date Harry even though he's a nice guy!? We're ignoring the actual reasons that Sally isn't interested in Harry - she's not attracted to him, doesn't feel anything beyond friendship for him + has feelings for whatshisname.
This concept is dangerous, and the media perpetuates it. We see so many countless movies where one person has major, unreciprocated feelings for someone else... and at the end, the other person magically has a change of heart.
Obviously, there are situations where a friendship can blossom into more. Where friends-feelings can change into more than friends-feelings.
But, bottom line: if you're being friends with someone simply because you hope to eventually date or have sex with them, you're the jerk.
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