Lately, I can't concentrate on God, I'm not myself, and I keep choosing the world. It really isn't who I am, but I can't leave it. Or, I'm trying to.
I don't have a lot to say. Last weekend, I went hiking in the Rockies. It was absolutely breathtaking - but I wasn't able to spend much time praising God for it, as I should. What's wrong with me!? I just don't understand. Why can't I fully commit! I seriously just want to give God my whole self, all of me, everything. But why can't I? What's holding me back? Half of the time, I think I have. Then, I realize I'm being called to live for Him, and that I'm not doing it.
Why can't I!?
I just don't understand what's going on. I'm fighting so many of the old enemies, and this time, I want to win in a permanent sense. I cannot win the fight on my own, but I have a king. The king. I know that God is faithful, even when I'm not. He is not dependent on who I am, thank GOD! But I need to live for Him. Fully. I need to give up the world. Fully.
And I need help.
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