Trying to Fly

I am leaving for Welcome Harbour tomorrow, and I am very excited!

I'm excited for going on our own schedules, for spending time with my closest of friends, and for growing closer to God.

The latter is, of course, the one I'm the most excited about. I am so terrible. I need to be closer, and I know this and should be making the effort now. But somehow, I'm not.

This morning my mother and I got into a huge fight before I left for church, over something that wasn't anything. I got to church, and began to worship.

It was empty, and I felt God saying "Oh, now you'd like to worship me. You weren't worshiping me in your relationship with your mom this morning..."

I needed to ask for forgiveness, both from God and from my mom. But I think my whole life is like this. I'm so good at church. I listen and take notes, I have my hands in the air. I read my bible. It's so easy to do while I'm there, but I don't live like that all of the time.

And even though I know these things, nothing changes.