Summer Goals

Hey everyone!
I just finished my FOURTH year of university! Isn't that insane? One more year to go!

As you can see, I changed up my blog a lot. I thought the previous format hardly suited me, and I wanted to ensure that my blog was an accurate representation of myself.

I've worked a lot in my life - every summer, in fact, since I was 13. So this summer, I'm just working 22 hours a week! I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do with myself this year. Being a typical Robin, I decided I have a few goals.

[1] Work on my control issues.

[2] Become better at handling constructive criticism.

[3] Work on my creativity.

[4] Become more comfortable with nature + outdoorsy things.

Those of you who know me know that these are all really big areas of struggle for me. But my number one goal this summer is to reconnect with God. I feel like I've been perpetually confused lately about what I believe in and, more importantly, why I believe it.

So, while I'm only working part time this summer, I am still going to be working on my heart + soul a lot. Wish me luck!

I also have a tendency to get very lonely in the summertime; everyone goes home from school or works full time and my need for lots of human interaction takes a huge hit every summer. Soooo.. let's hang out!

Updates!

/ / currently / / 

[watching] Modern Family!

[reading] The Jesus Calling Devotional

[listening] Kid Cudi's newest, "Indicud"

[making] goals for the summertime

[feeling] stressed & exhausted

[planning] on getting better at journalling! {and blogging}

[loving] the warmer weather! {in Edmonton? yeah right!} an uprising of girly creativity in my heart!

Wear Pink!

It's been a rough day, to say the least. Here's a little sunshine to brighten today for all of us ladies:

Things I Love

I got this idea from one of my favourite blogs: http://sweetnessitself.blogspot.ca/

5 Things I can't Live without by robin-lea-hansen featuring christian dior

1) my ESV pink bible!
2) STARBUCKS
3) perfume - particularly j'adore Dior
4) BabyLips
5) Mumford & Sons!

Also, this was my first time using Polyvore. I'm fancy huh!

Crisis Management

This week has caused a lot of self reflection for me. Things lately have brought me back to my blog after a nearly year-long hiatus. Apparently I can't handle too much introspection!

The last four years of my life have been a mess. I have changed so much, in some ways for the better and in some ways for the worse. But I'm sitting here, looking back on the last four years, and realizing that I went through a lot. Every 3-4 months I seem to go through some kind of major crisis. So I started thinking about causes.

Was it university? University is a stressful time for everyone - with constant pressure, every tiny issue one goes through is blown out of proportion due to the stress of school. The deadlines, the difficulty level, etc. School is hard. But I don't think that's why I've gone through so much in the last four years.

I started wondering if it's my age. Four years ago, at 18, I moved out and started life on my own - which is crazy! I feel like 18-21 are huge "changing/growing" years for everyone. Is that why I've gone through so much? Is this normal for everyone in my age group? We're all struggling to get a start on this life thing? I somehow feel like it's a cop-out to say that I'm young.

Am I just lazy? Am I just a drama queen?

But the number of crises I've gone through makes me feel like it's not just drama, so I've come to conclude that the cause of these crises is life. I mean, I wonder if this is just how life goes. Has my life just finally started?

What do you think? Are regular crises just a part of life?

growing and shrinking pains!

Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long since I've updated ye ol' blog. I am finished my third year of university! amazing that God has gotten me this far and that I haven't given up or committed myself to a mental institution - but my brain feels far beyond capacity right now haha
The last few weeks have been painful but wonderful for me. I gave up a truly ungodly relationship, and though God has met me right there and my walk has picked up again, I'm a little lonely. I'm learning to rely on God for that need to be filled. But with friends getting engaged and in serious relationships I can't lie - I'm getting pretty jealous.
Another thing I need to work through... I've lost 35 pounds! I still have a ways to go but along this weight loss/health journey I'm certain I've started to develop an eating disorder. I cannot seem to stop comparing my body/hair/smile/eyes/clothes/height/strength to other girls and it's hard. Some days I struggle to eat at all, and on days that I eat "too much" (ie: over 1400 calories) I work myself out ridiculously hard. I'm trying to be healthy but I feel like in many ways this good thing has become a seriously troublesome thing. I can't eat in public without feeling like everybody is staring at me. Fat girls seen eating = frowned upon.
My exams only ended today so hopefully I'll be able to pray through loneliness/jealousy/eating problems now that my head isn't stuck in a textbook.
suggestions?

In 2012 I Resolve To

1. Be real in my faith by constant prayer + adoration, and by choosing to serve the Lord instead of my selfish desires.

2. Stop eating beef - beef production is one of the leading causes of global warming.

3. Stop drinking pop - that stuff's nasty. Still don't know if this includes iced tea.

4. Seek to be Galatians 5:22-23 + seek the spirit's leading in this!

5. Create a budget and stick to it.

6. End an unhealthy friendship that I should no longer be maintaining.

7. Put on a purity ring + mean it as a commitment to God.

8. Stop biting my nails.

Stress Leave

A few people have been asking me what's been up with me lately so I thought I'd just write a quick note to explain a little.

I am very tired. It is not the kind of "I'm not sleeping enough" tired (though I'm sure I could use more sleep!), but the kind of tired where the exhaustion spreads over everything. As many of you know, last semester was very stressful for me academically, relationally, schedule-wise, and more than anything spiritually. Christmas vacation was a lot of fun, but the trouble with going home for only 2 weeks a year is that you don't get to rest up while you're out of school. When I came back to Edmonton, my flight was followed by a first day at a new job and a full weekend. School started 3 days later.

I initially began the semester taking 5 classes, but since one of them was not going to count towards my major or my minor and included a lot of paper writing (which is time consuming!) I dropped it and decided to take 4. After realizing that I was wiped out and wanted to cry by the third day of school, I decided to reduce my course load down to 3 classes and to call this semester "stress leave."

My goal in taking a reduced semester is that I do not want to fill up all of my now "free time" with social justice and church work. As much as I love love LOVE both of those things, there is only so much of me to go around. I will be keeping my commitments to MPH and MBC at the same level they were last semester.

My other goal is to find _________. Whatever the blank is, I will find it in the hands of God. That is where I am headed this semester.

So, for those of you that will, I would appreciate prayer. I need God, I need my cup refilled. Other things I would appreciate? Good music suggestions and tea dates. :)

weird & surprising

Something I never thought I'd pray for is a release of emotions.

Some stuff has happened lately, and as I choose God more and more, I feel all these emotions inside just being walled in. I'm scared of that, but for some reason I cannot seem to let them free.

Doesn't sound like me at all, right?

I don't know what's going on. I want to cry, but I can't! I want to feel joy, but I can't! I want to be able to talk out these feelings, but I can't! Except it's more than just that - I feel all of these things like they're under my skin. It's as though I don't explicitly feel them, but I know they're there.

I need to feel these things to be healed and to let God have more of my heart! all of my heart! but I can't seem to figure out what's wrong. This is never a problem I've had! I'm always the first to cry - but I can't seem to cry at all.

praying for tears. very weird.

Private or Public?

Yesterday, Beth Moore kicked my butt again.

"Is your faith more passionate in public, or in your private life?"

...ouch.

I think that's a big item in our walks. Comes back to Jesus reminding us not to let our left hand know what our right hand is doing (Matt 6:3). But it's hard.

Why is it hard for me?

(1) I have troubles receiving encouragement from God. I have trouble receiving His pleasure in me. All I see is sin. But in God's eyes, forgiven sin is behind us. So I shouldn't struggle this way. But I do!

(2) I'm lazy. I was recently struck by something the skit guys said (God to Tommy): "you're really lazy, but you pretend to be really, really busy." man, that hits home! I'm too busy for my prayer life sometimes. I'm too busy to do things God's way sometimes. I'm too busy to serve someone else sometimes. It's dangerous. I'm ashamed that I struggle there.

(3) I need other people to think. That sounds dumb, I know! But I think it's part of the way I was created. I feel things well on my own. But when it comes down to thinking, I need someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone to guide my thinking. I wonder how to let God be that someone!

Any ideas?

a kind of really big deal

I have an announcement. It's a huge deal. Massive. Life changing.

I've been thinking this off and on for awhile, but it never occurred to me that it was real.

I'm not doing this on any timeline but God's time. It's just that today, I suddenly know for sure something that changes everything.

Today, I was sitting in class and I was thinking about something that's come to mind often recently.

"I don't have any passions. What am I even interested in? I'm not called to anything. I have no life dreams! Who the crap am I!?!?!"

and then a few things that I know are true came to mind:

(1) I am a daughter of the Lord

(2) I love people

(3) I have a heart for seeing Christians have more freedom in Christ.

then,

"Wait. I DO have a passion. Only one. But it's big enough that I wouldn't have room to have others.."

Jesus is my love. My faith is my passion. God is my desire.

Today, I learned what this means. I don't know how, but I suddenly just got it. I don't feel called to any specific thing yet, but this I know for sure:

I'm called to full time ministry.

I love...

(a list of things I love to help combat a sad + grumpy day - in no particular order.. except the first two!)

1. Jesus! (and the Father, and the Spirit).

2. my cat.

3. 2 Timothy 2:13 (thanks Ben!)

4. McKernan Baptist Church!

5. Fair Trade Certified

6. laughter

7. kids' movies. especially How to Train Your Dragon and Rio.

8. Courageous

9. yogurt

10. peanut butter

11. friends

12. late nights

13. dubstep

14. making cookies

15. eating cookies

16. Toms.

17. Make Poverty History

18. David Crowder Band

19. downhere

20. prayer

21. rest (Matthew 11:28)

22. my small group

23. clean teeth

24. a really big cup of Library tea with milk and honey.

25. tea in general

26. sunsets + sunrises

27. long weekends

28. genuine love

29. tigers

30. creation

31. the bible

32. mandarin oranges

33. big hugs from good friends

34. goldfish!

35. warm blankets

36. sleep

37. feeling the movement of the Spirit

38. green + orange

39. cheese!!!

40. smiling + getting other people to smile!