things learned

today I am 23 years old. although I definitely don't want to be one of those people who gripes about being old while still in my early twenties, I feel a little freaked out by 23. I know for a long time, I thought I'd have my life all figured out by 23. but I don't. I don't really have anything figured out, but I have learned a lot of things, especially over the past year.

A Starbucks birthday cake pop is the best way to celebrate.

while I may go into 23 still telling people that I'm 21, here are 22 things I learned about myself, relationships, and life while I was 22.

one: it's okay to say no, and to express what you really want.

two: and a follow up to number one, it's okay to not know what you're doing with your life, and it's okay to say that out loud [still learning this one]

three: moisturizing your skin is the most important thing in the world. or, well, it's up there.

four: love doesn't always work out. this was probably the hardest lesson I've learned over the past year, but also one of the most valuable.

five: I am a girly-girl. I think for a long time I tried to think I was "one of the guys," but I finally learned this year that a) I am not "one of the guys" and b) it's okay to be girly.

six: feminism is not about female supremacy. I think this past year, I learned that I am a feminist.

seven: being an auntie is the best thing in the whole wide world.

eight: it's okay to not be okay.

nine: being strong doesn't mean you're not hurting. it means that you can face your hurt with bravery.

ten: sometimes champagne is the answer:

eleven: people watching is sometimes the best way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

twelve: Dr. Seuss is pretty much the best philosopher in the world.

thirteen: sometimes you don't know what you like or don't like until you try it. so try it.

fourteen: you won't meet your future Mr or Mrs Right on some dating app. you'll need to download and delete the app several hundred times before you realize this.

fifteen: it's important to never stop learning.

sixteen: be yourself. the truth about who you are will always come out, so you may as well be you from the start.

seventeen: it's okay to keep reading seventeen magazine. but it's also okay to exchange it for a cosmo. you do you.

eighteen: that thing that you waste all of your time doing? it's not time wasted. it's what you should be doing.

nineteen: in the end, things won't matter. invest in relationships, not retail. (wow, I'm deep)

twenty: going to bed early is AWESOME.

twenty-one: Beyonce, hot chocolate and a good book are usually a good cure for anything.

twenty-two: learning to love yourself is the hardest thing you may ever do. but it's also the most important.

there's my list! what are some of your life lessons?

coffee date

let's have a coffee date. you + me. right now. 

why? because I have something personal on my heart, and it's easier to share something personal when you've got a hot chai tea latte or iced caramel macchiato in your hands.

do you ever just get the explicit feeling that you have no idea who you are? sure, if someone asks, you can give a list of the things you enjoy (starbucks, movies, psychology) and the things you do (work, watch movies, study), but can you really tell someone who you are? is that because you don't know who you are, or because it's far more complex than you can share in words?

I think it can be both. but even when I'm alone with my thoughts, I still don't really know who I am. I don't know what makes me special, or what my purpose in life is. I feel so much anxiety when someone says "tell me about yourself" that I often just ramble on and on and make no sense whatsoever.

I want to say yes to finding myself and yes to my adventure... but where do I even start? 

re:new

sometimes we need a fresh start.

sometimes, the best thing we can do for ourselves is to start over.

over the past few years, I have changed so much. I've lost my religion, finished my degree, become a feminist, gained and lost friends, relationships and jobs. My mental health has fluctuated just as much as my life has over the past few years. Sometimes, even in between a few days I can go from feeling 100% fantastic to 100% not-so-shiny.

Often, it makes me feel better to drop whatever I'm working on and to just have a fresh start - or at least to take a moment to lean back and look at what I'm doing. I need to see how things could be better, and it's pretty dang hard to do that during a panic attack or during high stress moments.Change is good. Change is challenging, but change is good. It's good for your mental health to rethink things sometimes. :)

As you can see, I've changed some things here on the blog. Definitely be expecting more changes - this mini facelift on the blog is just another example of taking a step back and seeing how things could be better.

visited

As you may have noticed, I haven't posted for a week - I was on vacation visiting my family in BC. I chose not to pre-prepare blog entries because I literally had no time to sit down and plan things out in the week before I left, and I didn't want to just throw together a post for the sake of posting. But I'll be back to regular content on Monday.

This was a really special trip to me because it was the first time I got to meet my nephew + godson Jacob. He is so sweet and I love him so much! I'm already missing him and his cuddles like crazy! Here are a few snaps of my little visit to the tiny, rainy town I come from.

how to survive a breakup

it's pretty weird how one day, someone is your everything, and the next day you're not really allowed to talk to them. In the span of a 20 minute conversation, everything changes: this person that once consumed your thoughts, future plans and so much of your time is no longer a part of your life. Isn't that weird?

break ups really, really suck. This is not my first rodeo, so I know how to beat get through the break-up blues. Through the first few days, you gotta give yourself time to mourn. Eat, cry, be angry, have bellinis, watch movies, cry some more, eat more, read books, cry even more. Stay in bed for the whole day. I also like to sprinkle cleaning and self-care into the first few days. Cleaning because it's easy to basically burn your whole house down in the process of hating the universe. Self-care because it's easy to basically burn your whole body down in the process of hating the universe. Get some exercise, give yourself a facial, paint your nails. Whatever makes you happy. After those first few days, put on some real pants leggings and face the world. Order the full fat drink at starbucks, spend time with friends and carry on with your life. You'll still be incredibly sad, you'll still be hurting - but you've gotta actively try to love yourself and heal.

there's no real timeline here, but when you're ready, your mind will automatically enter phase 3 of the break up - it doesn't really hurt anymore, you're not plagued by sadness + you're mostly all healed up.

to me the hardest part of a breakup is correcting that mental routine of thinking about your ex-partner. For the past three years, I've only really thought about one person - it's really tough to convince your brain to not think about that person! but like any habit, over time it becomes a lot easier. The other hard part of a break up, for me, is allowing myself to experience the sadness, the hurt and all of the other emotions associated with break ups. I put such a big pressure on myself to "just be okay" because I think that's what others want from me. But this time, I'm trying pretty hard to let myself experience all of the crappy stuff because I really think that's the best way to heal after this kind of hurt.

remember who you are. That's the most important thing. You're worth so much and you deserve the best. 

ualberta class review

It's reading break! yay! That means I'm halfway through my last semester at the University of Alberta. Woah. That's insane.

Although I would definitely argue that I've learned a lot more through non-academic university experiences (student groups, who I am as a person, student governance, how I react to stress, etc), the last five years of my life have been filled with some really great classes and instructors - so here's a list of my favourites.

First Year Classes

Medical Microbiology & Immunology 133: I had super low expectations going into this class. I'd been aware that I loved pathology for a long time, but I wasn't prepared for how much I was going to enjoy an entire class spent on human disease. LOVED it. The prof, Judy Gnarpe, totally made the class. I think this was my absolute favourite first year class.

Psychology 104/105: To be honest, most 100-level classes are not so fun. They're really broad and the general science ones were incredibly boring most of the time. And even though psych 104 and 105 were not an exception to this, these classes convinced me to change my major from biology to psychology. This, obviously, was quite the life-changing decision.

Second Year Classes

Anatomy 200: This was an incredible class. The prof, Dr. David Begg, was one of the most incredible profs I've ever had. He inspired me to pursue what I love in life instead of what I think is expected of me. Also, the class is super fun. Hard average? Yes. Hilarious sex jokes from a professional anatomist? Also yes. I mean, I've always been a bit of a macro-physio nerd so this class was right up my alley!

Psychology 233: Personality psych is by far the most fun of all the psychs. As y'all know, I'm pretty obsessed with personality theories, so this class was fantastic for me. I think the number is different now though. Seriously the best second year class I took by far. And I also took it with my favourite prof ever, Jennifer Passey, and her sass made the class even more enjoyable.

Psychology 275: Brain and behaviour was one of the most fun classes I've ever taken. It piqued my interest in neuroscience and physiology. I definitely recommend it if you're sort of interested in the brain or in where human behaviour really comes from. I also recommend that you take it with a Singhall. :)

Third Year Classes

Biology 321: Despite the fact that biology is my minor, there isn't much of it on this list. Mechanisms of Evolution, however, was the most fun bio class I've ever taken. The prof, Heather Proctor, was hilarious, smart and captivating. I loved this class - AND there's no lab. Praise.

Pharmacology 305: This class might have been the most fascinating class I've ever taken. Titled drugs of abuse, this class studied the mechanisms of addiction. I felt like throughout the class I was making a mental list of drugs I would try and drugs that I most certainly would not try. This class was really hard, but definitely worth the mental effort. Our prof (Martin Davies) was hilarious and the subject matter was obviously pretty interesting.

Psychology 305 (Special Topics): Social Influence. This class actually takes the cake as the very, very best class of my degree. It was fascinating and fun and I feel like I learned so much about how marketing works. Honestly, I didn't ever skip this class because I didn't want to miss a thing (and that says a lot because I am an avid class skipper). You wouldn't believe the way we influence each other - and sometimes don't even realize it. Everyone should take this class. Of course, it was taught by my absolute favourite professor Jennifer Passey. Seriously. Take this class.

Psychology 339: Abnormal psych is every psych student's pride and joy. So much fun - it's all stuff you actually want to remember. Symptoms of this class include walking around like you can diagnose any person's oddities and deciding that you have a new disorder every week.

Psychology 365: Advanced perception blew my mind. It's like proving that your whole life is one big optical illusion. It was really fun, really interesting and the prof, Karsten Loepelmann was one of my very favourites. In fact, I purposely took all of the classes he taught because I liked him so much. I recommend this class to everyone - but it is certainly not easy!

Psychology 375: As a follow up on the second year brain and behaviour class, this class dives into cognitive neuroscience. I learned SO MUCH in this class and I didn't even realize it. It's definitely not an easy class but Dr. Jeremy Caplan is one of the best professors that ualberta has on staff. This class sparked my interest in research and allowed me to explore my interest in normal brain function.

Psychology 377: And how could I put 375 on this list without mentioning its sister course? This class provided an in-depth look at the neuro side of brain dysfunction and disorder. It had a really cool component where we got to watch a movie about a psych disorder and then write a paper on it. This was a fantastic class.

Fourth Year Classes

Psychology 403 (Special Topics): This class provided an in-depth look at the neuroscience of memory. This class makes the list for three reasons: 1. The content was incredible and fascinating. 2. The prof, Dr. Jeremy Caplan, is on my list of favourite instructors. He cares so much about students and the material and that really makes all the difference. 3. This class was organized in such a way that it may have prepared all of us for graduate school. Also, in this class, I became convinced that I might have an over-sized amygdala. If I ever get an fMRI done I'll let y'all know.

Psychology 403 (Special Topics): I'm currently taking this class - we basically get an in-depth look at different therapies and get to practice on each other. It's so much fun and our prof (Roy Frenzel) is a clinical psychologist so we get to learn so much from him. This class is helping me to revisit my "diagnose everybody" phase - except this time I'm diagnosing everybody's conversational style with a different form of therapy. It's also prep for grad school, like the other 403, but the counselling kind, instead of the neuroscience kind.

Psychology 494: I took ergonomics because it was taught by Karsten Loepelmann, and when I signed up for this class, I didn't even know what ergonomics were... and I came out of this class judging the design of everything everywhere. This class was about studying how to create things for human use. Despite the fact that we spent a little too much time talking about plane crashes (anxiety, anyone?), this class was extremely interesting and way more fun than I'd ever guessed it would be.

You made it to the end of my list! Sorry for the cray-cray long post. So you tell me - what have your favourite classes been?

High Five for Friday

It's Friday! Yay! This weekend I'm going to a retreat with the executive of my student group and I'm really excited. I'm giving a mini workshop on nonverbal communication and I have about a billion improv games planned - I'm sure my fellow executives (all introverts) are probably just thrilled. lol. Oh well.

Today I'm linking up with Lauren Elizabeth for a five greats from the past week post called High Five for Friday! Yay! Here are my five: 

1. I got a sticker from Aerie Real's new campaign - they're no longer retouching their models which is really exciting to me. I hope this means we're one step closer to letting go of the ideals of photoshop altogether.
   
2. This week I managed to get ahead in my classes. I don't have any midterms or assignments now until after reading week, so I'm resisting the urge to slack off.
3. It's currently international week at the university and today was also Chinese New Year - I got to see some really fantastic lion dancers! They were seriously fantastic; I couldn't look away! Hence the poor photo quality. 
   
4. This week I went to see Dallas Buyers Club with one of my besties. It was absolutely incredible and I definitely recommend seeing it if you are into pharmaceutical history, AIDS prevention/treatment or if you just enjoy an amazing and emotional plot.
5. Today was filled with really good chats with friends. These hands belong to an inspirational and incredible friend of mine. I love Henna. Also she's holding a glass jar and I'm pretty much obsessed with glass jars so I forced her to let me photograph her hands! :) 
   

Hope your week was filled with many high points and have a great weekend!