Though My Heart is Torn

Hi guys. As it turns out, I'm still struggling with this doubt. I'm in a very frustrating place - I know God exists! Why am I questioning it?!

I need help. I'm very scared and confused. But I know, somehow, that I will make it because He's carrying me. I think it might be a good night to read through the Psalms a little bit.

There is something very cool happening though. I don't get faith, you know. But here I am, hanging on for dear life (and by that I mean, God's holding me or I would've fallen by now), and I can't stop believing.

I tried to imagine what it would be like if I walked away right now, and I can't. I know it's because I won't. I'm incapable because He lives in me. Which makes Him real. I belong to a Great GOD who SAVES.

My doubt all began at a church that made me question whether or not I had the Holy Spirit. I almost lost my faith that weekend. I don't need God to prove Himself to me by letting me speak in tongues, which I could do if He wanted me to, or by showing me to prophecy, which I could also do if it were His will. I've got the Spirit, I think.

This is so weird. I don't know what else to say - this should sum it up:

1. I don't know if God exists.
2. Apparently, I do, because I can't walk away.
3. God's bigger than my doubt, but if He doesn't exist, then what?
4. But He must.
5. Do I have the Spirit?
6. I hope so - but I don't know. But then again, I don't know if God exists.
7. He does. And the Bible says that I've got His Spirit. And when He gets me through this, however long it takes, I will have even stronger faith.
8. Time to move mountains.
9. God exists.

So... Basically, God exists. God exists. He is the Way. He is truth and love. Without God, there is no love. Right?

It'll end soon enough.

Indescribable Presentation was even more amazing than I remembered! God is so amazing!

I'm also really excited for the sunrise service. The other day, Bible Study brought me to verses like Mark 1:35, Pslam 5:3 and Isaiah 50:4-5, and I can't help but think of how lazy we are. People in Jesus' time and before got up before their days started to spend time with God. And here we are trying to fit Him into our daily lives. Does that make sense?

I want to try something, try putting more effort into God. He died for me. Why am I so lazy?