January is a big month. We went on a C&C Retreat out to Nakamun Lake a few weeks ago. During a worship time there, I felt like something was off (wrong, unusual, almost painful!) in my heart, and I asked God what was going on. As I reflected on the lyrics I was singing, His "voice" came to my heart and told me that I didn't believe that He loved me.
Our speaker had us go through a list of affirmations from the bible that apply to all believers. I felt like challenging what God told me, so I decided to circle the ones I believed (by believe, I mean a core belief that extends deep into my heart, not just a surface 'yes'). I believed 3 of the 30-something affirmations that were there. Wow, right?
I don't even know where to start "believing God's love." I realize that coming to terms with the fact that I don't believe it is a big step, but I want to fix it so badly! Maybe that's the problem, what I need is to let HIM fix it. Let Him in further. But how? Is there a manual? I don't even know what I'm holding onto that I so badly need to get out of.
And this weekend is Breakforth. I'm really, really hopeful to hear God's voice because it's been a weird couple of weeks. I feel like the oppressor has been dragging me around for a little while now, and I'm weary. I need Christ.
I'll hopefully have some time to write next week, hopefully a more joyful post on what's going on.
Until then.
